Another submission to Friday Fictioneers: Roasted Wood Gnome
Photo copyright: Madison Woods
While hunting for mushrooms recently, I came across an unusual specimen: the Wood Gnome. A rare gastro-gnomic delicacy, the small creature was hunted nearly to extinction by German foresters; Wood Gnomes came to the New World along with other unsavory immigrants: pox, diphtheria and the Welsh*. French fur trappers made Quebec famous for its gnome fur exports. (It takes several thousand gnomes to make a decent coat.) To prepare, simply remove lederhosen, wash gnome thoroughly and skin before spitting and roasting over hickory fire embers. Gnome is done when the tiny nose pops. Sprinkle with gruyere and serve.
*
Asterisk Bedazzled Footnote:
*Please, no hate mail from the Welsh. It just sounded funny to me.
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/29-august-2014/
Genre: Humor Fiction
Word Count: 100 Words
TheDustSeason 
Made me laugh out loud! And despite probably being Welsh somewhere down the line, I won’t be sending any hate mail.
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Very much appreciated. I highly approve of the Welsh. Anyone who can make a language out of their alphabet deserves kudos.
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Omigoodness – this is so nasty! I don’t know whether to laugh or gag! But it IS an original take on the prompt, I’ll give you that much! (And you’ve made me look at the ever-present garden gnome in a completely different light. They may be tasty as long as you don’t have to look at the preparation process….)
Great work 😀
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If you actually manage to see your garden gnomes, I am impressed. They are fast little blighters. It’s the wood or mountain gnomes you can spot more easily. They rely on camouflage and, with today’s infrared vision devices, they are just too easy to spot, no matter how dense the foliage. I use Gnome-O-Vision specs myself. But any good UV filter will do you.
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Oh dear! o.O
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Sorry for butting in but Kirizar I would like some Gnome-O-Vision specs please! Very clever comment!
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It’s sad…but I had to Google it. There is an actual site offering such an item…but you will be disappointed in how they applied the technology.
http://www.wowwiki.com/Gnomish_X-Ray_Specs
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I suggest both laugh and gag. I believe that is the height of compliments for this sort of work. Kinda like belching to show your appreciation of a good meal.
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LOL!
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That part of my blood which is Welsh will not take offence. 😉 But the part that is gnome might….. 😛
Clever story.
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This is creative! Wonder how much a Wood Gnome jacket would cost? 😀
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Well, they don’t make them much anymore. The species is practically extinct. But, you could get a nice tea cozy for around $20.00. Nothing like a mountain gnome tea cozy to keep your brew bubbling hot.
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Very nice… but I still don’t think I want to eat over at your house. Randy
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I suppose this really bought gnome the bacon. You really hit a Gnome run in this one.
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Gnome with Bacon is the next recipe in the book. It’s a bit gristly, but very tasty. (Om gnome gnome.)
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Maybe we should farm them like we farm mink. I’m sure gnome burgers would catch on.
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I would have said, “gnome buggers.”
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I might go so far to say ‘Gnome Boogers’ based on the photo.
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‘Gnome is done when nose pops’ – delicious. I think I’ll stick to harvesting mushrooms. Very enjoyable story.
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Yeah…I almost erased that sentence, it was so gross. But I had to leave it. It made me laugh and sick at the same time.
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Great story. Poor wood gnomes. I’m so glad you didn’t erase the ‘nose’ sentence. Great satirical piece.
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Dear Kirizar, Great Cook Book! Please let me know when it gets to the top of the ‘Best Sellers List’ as I would love to own one! Thank you so much! Nan 🙂
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Feel free to contribute. We don’t have any Rock Troll submissions and we are a little light on fairy cakes as well.
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Kirizar, Great creative flight of fancy piece. Although, I kind of feel sorry for anything that’s going extinct. Beware of groups fighting for their preservation. Also, I doubt I could kill anything that dresses itself in lederhosen. 😦 Among varies other things, I have some Welsh and some German ancestry. I know they can be pests, but perhaps they serve some purpose. I’ll reserve my opinions until I research the subject more. Humorous and well written, although a bit yucky. 🙂 —Susan
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That was disgusting. I love it!
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Found out why I wasn’t being informed of your posts. I had failed to tell WP to email me when you post new.
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I think we can all agree, the ‘notification’ system set up by WP is spectacularly complicated. I am no techie, but you’d think they would have put these links/add-ons in by default. Not force a Luddite like me to figure it out on my own. I still don’t understand half of what I am doing. (No comments from the peanut gallery with regards to my writing. Thank you very much.)
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Funny story. I’ll forgive the Welsh crack this time – we’re used to it and have thick skins (I was born there as was my mom!). 😀
But just think what the Welsh have given us: Anthony Hopkins, Dylan Thomas, Richard Burton, Sean Connery,( oh never mind he’s Scots), Christian Bale, Michael Sheen, Catherine Zeta-Jones, John Rhys-Davies. I think you get the point. And a language with hardly any vowels. And the longest place name. And music – have you ever listened to a Male Voice Choir? Goosebumps.
Sorry. I couldn’t resist. 😀
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How could you overlook mentioning Jasper Fforde–one of my all-time favorite authors? If you haven’t read his works, I question your true Welsh heritage. I really do. (As to Male Voice Choir…why would they add the word ‘voice’? How else would a choir perform? Clog dancing and shaking bells? No, those are Morris Dancers.)
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