I am summarizing a recent experience into a helpful life lesson, I feel someone should learn from my mistakes. You’re welcome.

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Sept 6 – Itchy inception. Yard work and two red dots on shins convince me I have mosquito bites. But the new plants are planted. Hurray!

Sept 7 – Wake up itching–more spots on legs. Convinced I have bedbugs, I spend the next two days packing every damn thing in my bedroom. It’s a lot. Bags everywhere. I haul boxes to the basement. Wash everything in hot water. Bake it at 500° until smoking.

Sept. 10 – By Wednesday, I have more bites than I can count – frantic itching everywhere. I see the VA doctor for annual physical – I mention the bedbugs and show her the numerous bites. Her response (from the doorway): “I don’t think it’s bedbugs. I’m writing you a prescription.”

NOTE: I do not ask her what she thinks it is. This is lesson the first. ALWAYS ASK FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS!

I go home with Permethrin cream. I slather myself and hope for it to work regardless. I have covered all mattresses in the home with bedbug proof materials, the couch has a nice new plastic sheeting. I have sprayed likely surfaces with over-the-counter bedbug napalm. I dream of chemical Armageddon raining down on the small blood sucking creatures.

Sept. 11 – Bites have spread up my neck and all over my face. Even my eyelids are puffy and sore. I’m beginning to doubt I have bedbugs. But I call an exterminator/inspector and schedule an appointment.

Sept. 12 – Inspector arrives–barely in his twenties. He examines my whole bedroom, common area, and basement. Conclusion: “You don’t have bedbugs. That’ll be $175.00.”

Now realize, based on a Google search of my medication, I truly have scabies. And that Alexei has not been treated. Frantically call his doctor’s office for an Rx for the kid.

Sept. 13. – Saturday – I realize that though I have boxed everything in my bedroom and changed sheets like a germaphobe with OCD every single day–I forgot to clean my new CPaP headgear, mask and my keychain around my neck and realize I have likely reinfected myself. I go to an urgent care to get a new RX for me. (One tube is not enough for two treatments, fyi.)

Both Alexei and I treat ourselves that evening–going to sleep wearing the white, medical-grade insecticide. We can shower when we wake.

Sept. 14 to 19 – I go nowhere–other than slowly out of my mind. I send messages to my doctor’s office that get crazier by the day. My son, thankfully, has his father’s constitution. He does not exhibit any sign of infection and goes to school. I stay home and scratch and scratch and scratch.

Sept. 20 – Second treatment of Permethrin. I am convinced this cream is a panacea and that I will never see the end of these little )⚡︎&@%$! burrowing blood suckers.

Sept. 21-22 – I swear I am never going out in public again. I break up with the massage chair at the mall (one of several possible culprits for infection based on the timeline.) I stand everywhere I go, just in case. I am a complete nutbar even though I’m supposedly cured.

Sept. 23 Starting to feel better. The doctor’s office calls me in to double check and to give me flu shot. I get a clean bill of health.

After this ghastly period, you would think my bad luck was used up for the year. You would be wrong. But I’ll save that tale for another post. This was traumatic enough.

Now I dare you to go sit in public, especially at doctor offices, and not wonder who was sitting in it just moments before? And does it feel like something is crawling under your skin? It just might be!

Fun Fact: Scabies can live on surfaces for up to two to three days.

Fun Fact #2: The first time you get scabies, you might not have a reaction right away. According to Google:

“First-time infections cause itching and rash in 2-6 weeks, while a second infection triggers symptoms in just 1-4 days because the immune system has already been sensitized.”

This was my second bout. And hopefully, my last.

Here’s a picture of me at my maddest, baddest, and most dangerous to know.