The world's most unwieldy toy.
Must add fine print to label: Not A Toy!

If you ever wondered what a Macy’s Day Float would look like in a closet…

I’m skyping with my friend late one night, yakking it up, when I hear a sound from my son’s bedroom.

“Whirrrrrrrrrrr, hisssss, Whirrrrrrrr, hissssss…”

Friend: “What’s that noise?”

Me: “Oh, that’s a video my son took of inflating an air mattress. For some reason, he finds it hysterically funny.”

Friend: “Do you want to go check it out?”

Me: “No, I’m sure it’s just his video.”

We continue talking, ignoring the odd whooshing noises from the other side of the wall, when all of a sudden…

“Clunk, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.”

Me: “Wait. That’s not normal.”

Said friend laughs as I dash to check out the ominous sound coming from my child’s room. I fling open the door and it’s all I can do to get it open. I wish I had a picture to show you, but I was too busy rescuing my child from his predicament to grab a camera.*

[Update-News Flash: Child has since repeated the offense and so I have photographic evidence of the claustrophobic effect.  Enjoy]

The Guilty
The guilty has been masked to hide his identity–that and his eyes looked raccoon-in-headlights spooky and it creeped me out.

Apparently, while I thought he was being a good boy and bringing his blankets and pillows from the basement, what he’d actually been doing was smuggling a queen-sized, double thick air mattress into his room—a room just barely wider than said mattress. He had inflated it on the narrow space between his bed and his dresser and the gargantuan mass was crushing him to the wall while trying to devour the furniture around it. The motor objected greatly to the compact restrictions.

Despite child’s objections, I removed his ‘toy’ and hid it some place new. I have no idea how he snuck the keys to the laundry room where this was stored, but obviously, I’m going to have to get clever to outwit my child.**

Beware...Boy Genius at Work!
Beware…Boy Genius at Work!

Asterisk Bedazzled Footnote:

*Anyone possessing a photo of an inflatable stuck in imaginative (uncensored, g-rated) places may feel free to post them here.

**Although, the odds on me becoming smarter are incredibly low. That, and I’m tempted to let him do it again, just to take the picture. It was that funny.

12 thoughts on “A FITTING END

    1. I suspect it is the act of defiance plus the joy of inflating and deflating it over and over again. I have no idea why he loves it, I just know I can’t afford to replace the $125.00 air mattress if he goes one inflation too far.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. The wall-paper is real. As in, real hard to get off the walls. The upper half had an explosively floral pattern. When I bought the house, I knew that would be his bedroom. So, we had a team of people scrape away for what took forever to get the two layers of paper off. At the cost of paying more to get the lower half off, I decided he could live with the stripes.

      Liked by 1 person

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