What would you do if you had one week left…?
*
It is done. My time is up and I’m moving on…but to what? That is the bajillion dollar question.
If you are like me, you crave continuity, reliability, and a steady, if somewhat monotonous, source of income. I like knowing there is going to be a paycheck at the end of two weeks.*
Those days are over.
This summer, before a tree derailed my free time, my only daycare option—aka Grandma—indicated she’d actually like to enjoy retirement before my son drove her to drink or broke her into kindling. (Or words to that effect.) The countdown ticking off the hours I could still work outside the home finally clanged its leaden clapper.
“Ask not for whom the bell tolls…”
So, I did what any sane individual would do. I panicked.
I spent a few hours…well, days really…maybe weeks…okay, I spent a lot of time devolving into a gibbering hot mess of indecision and fatal thinking:
How will I make rent?
How will I feed the mammoth I gave birth to?
How will I give up diet cherry Coke?**
This is what I do before I am capable of rational thought and planning. I engage all my worst coping mechanisms: I late night binge-watch television; I avoid responsibility; and, above all, I deny that anything is wrong.
I apparently can’t skip this step, as much as I want to, or as healthy as making sane, grown-up decisions would be, I need to stew.
But the time has come to pull on my big girl britches.*** It is time to get serious.
But first…
It occurred to me that I could have a little fun before I left my job. What were they going to do? Fire me?
Monday…I declared it official Scarf Day.
Tuesday was my Fifties Throwback Tuesday
Wednesday was a hastily pulled together Patriotic Send-Off because I couldn’t find the costume I wanted to wear.
Thursday was my pride and joy—I wore my Harry Potter-Themed costume.
Do you know who I am? Bonus points if you get the in-joke with the locket. Hint: my last name is a clue.
And finally,
Friday—words do not do this justice, I think…
It is With Sadness that I depart my place of work. May I be remembered kindly…if a bit weirdly…by those I leave behind. And hopefully the blue hair spray will eventually come out.
Asterisk Bedazzled Footnote:
*I’m funny that way.
**The original title of this blog was going to be “Support My Coke Habit–GoFundMe” but I decided this might not translate well if people didn’t read past the introduction.
***Big girls do not wear panties—it cramps their crack style.
TheDustSeason 
I’m sure they’ll miss you. I’ve a feeling the office will be awfully boring without you brightening it up!
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I was thinking there’d wailing and gnashing of teeth and rending of clothes, but so far, they’re handling my imminent departure well.
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Big girls prefer big panties, granny panties, or none at all. Or that’s just me.
I have a soda addiction as well, more of a variety, like anything I can get my lips on — it’s that bad. Generally, I have been able to afford my habit, or my husband has graciously provided it, but there have been dark times, decaffeinated times, times when effervescence was something I could only dream of…
I LOVE THE BLUE, and could be persuaded to wear all my scarves at once for a photo op. I will call it The Kiri when I do.
I’m wishing you well at finding work that allows you to parent AND feed your mammoth. Best of luck! x
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I totally hope “The Kiri” catches on. I could do with a little undeserved fame and adoration. All the better to market my weirdness platform and sell myself on the alter of social media.
And, thanks for the well wishes. Feel free to chow down on popcorn and a giant soda while you watch my life unravel on the blogosphere. Here’s hoping my made-for-Tv life is not a tragedy in the making.
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Wow. I hope you can find a solution and/or a miracle arrives and you get some of your life back. But that being said, I wish I knew you in real life.
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In real life, I am much less interesting. It’s editing on the page and focusing on the funny things that makes me seem a thrill a minute. Besides, who wants to remove the mystery?
But, I’ll admit, I can use all the good friends I can get. Feel free to consider yourself a good friend indeed!
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❤ I love reading your blog and I admire very much how you make some seriously grim stuff seem funny.
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Aww shucks! *blushes*
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Ahh-ha !! The blue sweater !! I feel your pain ! May we comfort each other with our humour ! 🙂
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Yes! It was a last minute find. My victory of the week.
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I’m the Martha echo here. I really do hope a workable, lucrative and sanity-enhancing solution turns up soon. If anyone can make it happen, you can.
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Thank you. I’ll try. (And try. And try.)
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K, I hope you find work that will comfortably pay the bills, allow you to eat out now and then, because, who doesn’t love that, and of course shop for additions to your fabulous scarf collection. I don’t know what you are planning on but this little pin I stumbled on had a whole lot of paid writing sites. –http://earnsmartonlineclass.com/get-paid-to-write-70-freelance-writing-jobs/
Best of luck Chicky. Keep us informed. xo
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Thank you. I appreciate the suggestions and the best wishes!
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Great, fun pics– and I love the Thursday Throwback !
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Since you live in the 50’s (based on your preferred quasi-pornographic collection) you may consider it homage to you. I’m just sad it wasn’t a poodle skirt.
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😀 Hahahaha –well, thank you! 😀 🙂 Now, I have to say, my taste in art has never been described in those terms before, but now that you mention it, the 50’s were pretty hip – the whole Fonzie millarkey aside, of course . 😀
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Life, sometimes, doesn’t go the way we want or like. Good luck… Very beautiful pictures and I loved the scarf day 🙂
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Thank you. I try to find a path of least resistance to what life throws at me, but it can be hard at times. That said, a pretty scarf goes a long way to make a day stylishly bright!
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