TheDustSeason

Everything has gone wrong.

I’m sending this to you from a secure location.*

The system has been infected.

A technician is scheduled to come out (for the third time) to fix it.

Your connection is not private.

Attackers may be trying to steal your information.

Save yourselves.

Five days ago I uninstalled Facebook from my iPhone and, since then, the WiFi in my house has gone from bad to worse to third-world, post-apocalyptic, nightmare scenario.**

There is no WiFi.

I can’t even connect with my phone due to something called ‘Data.’

I have ten minutes before I have to leave the facility I am writing you from.

If you do not hear from me again, save yourselves.

You have been warned.***

I’ve reinstalled Facebook on my phone…for what it’s worth.

Would someone please tell Zuckerberg and ask him nicely to stop the attack on my house!?

Asterisk Bedazzled Footnotes:

*The local public library has a safer hot spot than my house does.

**I thought head lice was bad, but this is a bug I cannot comb out or kill with pesticides.

***Please send me WiFi for my birthday, if you have any to spare. (I’d sit on a street corner with a cup, if I thought it might help with a sign that read “Will work for Wifi”… but, I’d fear that that might be misconstrued.)