Around this time every year, I go through an annual event which involves dramatics and hysterics in equal measure–negotiating my contract for a better rate on my internet and tv services. Warning, to anyone who does not know me, this story involves cursing–and not just the witch with a cauldron kind.
There’s a lot of swearing. A f*ck-ton, if you will.
Proceed with caution.
***
Dear Max,
I wasn’t my most congenial when I called, for that, I apologize. (Truly I should be apologizing to the phone tree system as they heard ALL the swear words I know. But the automated system is inured to such displays, simply cutting me off mid-bile to interject, “We are sorry you are so dissatisfied with our service, hold please.”) Max, you were a complete gentleman; you dealt with the residual hostility that spilled over in your direction and deserve the credit for siphoning my rage to manageable levels so I didn’t have a cataleptic fit.
I expect you get to deal with a lot of angry customers all day long. I try not to be a complete asshat if I don’t have to be. I failed utterly on Saturday and for that, I am both embarrassed and immeasurably sorry.
You took the time to listen, to understand, to commiserate. You found discounts and got me the best rate you could for a whole year. You even called me back when the phone system disconnected us to verify a rebate you found that helps take the sting off the overall increase.
I will say this to anyone who asks, AT&T would lose customers if it weren’t for people like you–the especially special service representatives–dealing with people like me, the enraged elderly people on a fixed income calling in to complain about the increase of the tv/cable bill to over $127 dollars a month. You have to listen to things like this:
“I remember when television was free! Free, I tell you. It didn’t cost us a nickel! All three channels were just piped into our homes for nothing! I bet you aren’t old enough to remember that!”
Without super agents like Max, you would totally lose customers left, right and center. And there would definitely be hand gestures involved in the farewell!
After I was done whining and complaining, I apologized for being rude.
His reply? “Oh, actually, you are one of the nicer customers I’ve had to deal with.”
If that is true, give Max a raise. He certainly deserves one.
#GiveMax-a-Raise
#InsaneAT&TBillsCauseViolentSwearinginCustomers
#BundleThis 🖕
TheDustSeason 
I was just talking about broadcast tv with my coworker on Friday. It’s crazy how that changed. We dropped cable years ago. It just cost too much money. The internet alone in my town costs over $100. Add in Netflix, Hulu and all that crap, I’m sure we’ve got $150 a month in watching TV. At least gmail is free… for now.
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When I want to watch a ‘special’ show–you know, the kind that hired actual talent to write the series and therefore it is proprietary and available only on a surfing service–I sign up, binge watch it, and then cancel my subscription. It’s the only way to fight the enemy that is modern highway robbery–steal back your time/money any way you can.
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We were with Sprint and when our contract was up they refused to give us the same deal. We saw that they were offering an even better deal for new customers and they denied us that as well. I guess they didn’t expect us to toss them to the curb but when they wouldn’t give us any kind of incentive we switched. Now we’re with T-Mobile and they have tried to make us want to stay… such a difference!
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I will check T-Mobile out…but not sure they do our area as far as internet is concerned. Also, I’m incredibly lazy and really need the incentive of an insane bill to motivate change!
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I have a little F the W demon that sometimes kicks in. On occasion it saves me from simply self destructing.
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I feel swearing is to language as spice is to food. Balance is good in both–one does not want to over pepper a stew, or overly F-Bomb a conversation. Finding a nice middle-ground of curse words is my happy place.
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I used to dread the annual call when I had Uverse. A lot of companies have shell games but AT&T has turned it into an art all across their platform.
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Hmm, I’m not sure I would call it an art form. A sadistic, nightmare artform, maybe. A variation on paint-by-numbers hell, possibly. Totally made-up-by Con Artists, definitely!
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I think it’s a reaction to the loss of their monopoly. If you want to see an excellent documentary about the breakup of AT&T, it’s called Long Distance Warrior.
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One hopes it involves Samurai warriors on a Far East Quest with Katana blades of justice. Otherwise, they may have oversold the title.
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It’s about a giant slayer nonetheless.
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Honey, I’m so old, I remember when there were only TWO channels. I feel your pain.
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I’m so glad someone else appreciated that phrase. I thought perhaps I was carbon-dating myself with that old a reference.
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LOL
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