To all the parents who stayed up late wrapping presents, I salute you!

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“Where is it?” Santa mutters curses as she frantically searches through every drawer in her bedroom–in every box, every hidey-hole–for the missing gift.

“COMET, CUPID, DONNER AND BLITZEN! Where did I put it?”

[The names of reindeer will now forever sound like swear words to you too! You’re welcome!]

Because the child of the house is wily and determined and already knows what he is getting from Santa, it is necessary to put gifts into locked, secret rooms, behind double-bolted security systems with an alarm that goes off whenever the system is breached. Sadly, said child is exceptionally gifted in accessing rooms while the parent unit is away and someone else is in charge and not as careful with the house key.

This is why, Christmas Eve, instead of leisurely wrapping presents with care, Santa is tearing through her closet trying to find the “IT” gift.

Which is this:

The search is furious, but no luck is had.

“Ah…NUTS AND SPRINKLES!”

Finally, Santa starts wrapping all the presents she did find.

The giant roll of Santa printed paper is so thin–it tears in jagged sections whenever the scissors hesitate along the roll. Santa thinks of a certain scene from Men in Black every time she hears the exaggerated sounds soft paper can make.

By the time Santa is done, there are nearly eight packages with variations of markers or crayons wrapped and placed under the tree by the time midnight rolled around. But of the special box of art pens–nada!

In desperation, Santa pulls up the online corporate office of the Power Elf on the Warehouse Shelf that Chief Elf in Charge Jeff Bezos rules. Ahh. There are seven available. The price is much higher on Christmas Eve than any other time. Coincidence? Santa thinks not.

Santa debates–it is possible the boy child snuck into Santa’s well guarded bunker and stole his present a long time ago. Perhaps giving him a second gift will only encourage future thefts? Is Santa making the classic mistake of trying to ‘make up for having autism’ by buying some expensive piece of plastic crap? She hesitates but a moment.

Christmas Day is not just a commercial holiday, but a choice to celebrate the family we have and honor tradition and share the love. Which, in this case, means buying the one present the boy child has actually asked for.

With a sigh, Santa clicks “Buy!”

As she is cleaning up the scene of the crime where strips of red paper look like a murder has taken place on the kitchen table, Santa suddenly thinks of one place she didn’t check…

Two minutes later in the office closet, she finds the It Gift on the floor where it has been waiting for her all along.

Santa could try to cancel the last-minute panic purchase, but the kid has a birthday in March. The present can wait until then.

Now, all she has to do is find a good place to hide it….